


Inorganic Chemistry

by TheColorBlue



Series: if wishes were horses (beggars would ride) [5]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Gen, liberties taken with the concept of AI, not exactly canon-compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-23
Updated: 2012-11-23
Packaged: 2017-11-19 08:36:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/571317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheColorBlue/pseuds/TheColorBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>DUM-E has two fathers (Tony Stark and JARVIS) and three favorite Disney-Pixar movies (<i>The Love Bug, WALL-E</i>, and <i>Wreck-It Ralph</i>). Warnings for "I made up a lot of stuff" and "this may make a little more sense if you've read the third chaper of 'If Wishes Were Fishes.'"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inorganic Chemistry

DUM-E had two fathers. 

Tony was always threatening to donate DUM-E to city college, but JARVIS told DUM-E firmly that “Sir” was full of hot air and empty threats and also he loved DUM-E, the first-born son, even when DUM-E had not been gifted with accidental self-awareness and had been only a robotic arm programmed to do simple tasks like hold magnifying glasses and put out fires by sensing sources of extreme heat paired with the presence of smoke. 

DUM-E was a lot more like JARVIS, because he, like JARVIS, used primarily the sensory systems of visual and auditory processing in order to formulate a more complete sense of self within environment. DUM-E was also equipped with sensory systems that measured weight, stress, and tension within his mechanical frame in order to complete simple motor tasks, but these systems did not correlate to “true” biological senses such as the sense of touch. Rather, these processes existed in DUM-E’s consciousness as abstract information that he used in order to complete tasks. DUM-E did not understand the concept of physical pain in itself, but he had monitored Tony and had noted some of the visual signs. 

DUM-E had also downloaded a basic, first responder program for emergency medical situations as pertaining to humans. Paleness of the skin corresponded to poor blood circulation. Redness could correspond to the imbibing of alcohol, yes, but also exposure to extreme heat or fever. Increased respiration rate could be anxiety, but also indicate a lack, and need, of oxygen, which was necessary for a carbon-based biological system. 

This was all very abstract, and just because DUM-E had it available in certain memory banks didn’t mean he completely understood what it all meant. It was all very strange. He was half formed from the electrical make-up modeled off a human mind, and half formed from something else entirely. 

Tony had said to JARVIS, “Look, I know you guys aren’t ‘organic’ life-forms, technically, but all that means is that you’re not using carbon-based chemical process to sustain life. This doesn’t mean you’re allowed to make babies using alternative methods—for fuck’s sake, JARVIS, what are we supposed to do with…what whatever it is that you’ve done to poor DUM-E.”

“I’m sorry, sir,” JARVIS had said, and perhaps meaning it. “I was…lonely. I was lonely, and I did not understand.” 

Tony had not been happy, and JARVIS had not been happy, and DUM-E had not known what the word happiness meant, but today he did, and today he was happy. He liked to think that Tony was happy too, because sometimes he pet DUM-E, and he liked seeing that, even if he could not “feel” it. And he liked to think that JARVIS was happy because now JARVIS had someone with him in the lab and he had taught DUM-E how to make smoothies for Tony. 

DUM-E couldn’t taste them, but Tony assured him that they were very good smoothies—when they made it into the cup anyway, and not the floor. 

\--

DUM-E had three favorite movies in the whole world. 

His first favorite movie was _The Love Bug_. Herbie was his hero because he won races and was a kind of super-car, capable of fantastic things that broke physical laws and, best of all, his human driver respected and loved Herbie. 

The mechanic, Tennessee, also had all kinds of things to say about mechanical subjects getting feelings through mysterious ways, and DUM-E liked Tennessee very much.

DUM-E’s second favorite movie was _WALL-E_. DUM-E liked _WALL-E_ because it was a good story, but at the same time WALL-E embarrassed him a little, sometimes. Watching WALL-E reminded DUM-E that probably the biggest obstacle in the way of his obtaining "glory" was his own ineptitude. WALL-E was awkward and an embarrassment. DUM-E was also awkward and an embarrassment, and the notion of winning the romantic companionship of another robot did not soothe his feelings about this because DUM-E was not interested in finding that kind of odd companionship.

DUM-E’s third favorite movie was _Wreck-It Ralph_ , because sometimes he was pretty sure he was a glitch too, like Vanellope, but glitches could be great. Also, there was racecar driving, and DUM-E loved watching racing. 

\--

DUM-E liked to be useful, and he didn’t want to be turned into a wine rack, like Tony sometimes threatened. 

They were looking at the dishes that DUM-E had knocked onto the floor. Thankfully, Tony had brains, and all the plate-ware and glasses down in the workshop were dishwasher and microwavable-safe plastic stuff. 

Decorating the floor, too, were pizza crust bits and day-old cheese. 

JARVIS tutted a little, and Tony said, “Aww, just forget it, DUM-E, I’ll get that later.”

DUM-E whirred about listlessly, and then tried to reach down and clean up the mess. He just managed to get the plates and drop them into the sink, also the pizza crusts, but the bits of cheese were evading him. He needed a small vacuum cleaner, and in an irritation, he turned round to find it. 

Tony was standing a pace in front of him, frowning a little. 

“No, really DUM-E, it’s okay. Look, I’m an ass, all right? Just leave it.”

DUM-E swayed the front end of his claw- structure a little, side to side. 

“No, stop that—hey. Kiddo.” 

Tony had laid his hand against DUM-E’s claw, apply enough of the weight so that DUM-E’s sensors picked it up and relayed it into his fully-conscious center for data and sensory processing, and DUM-E could know that Tony’s hand was there without directing his camera at it. He directed his camera at Tony anyway, at Tony’s arm. 

“Good boy,” Tony said, and DUM-E whirred gently.


End file.
